Last Wednesday, bored at work, I turned to match to pass the time. I wasnt really into anyone who I was seeing locally, so I broadened my search a good bit for the hell of it. I saw someone who struck me and decided to just send a message. We were hundreds of miles away, but good conversation is good conversation when you’re online. That is how I chose to look at it at least. If she didn’t message me back I lost nothing. Why the hell not?
She messages me back interested in chatting. We share some stories and she asks if she can call me. I had never had a girl ask me that before online. Not so quickly. She seemed pretty cool though, so I was game. We ended up talking for two hours that night. Longest I’ve been on the phone in years. We had great conversation. Oddly open conversation. It was by far the biggest surprise I’ve had in my year of online dating. Over the next five days we talk and text. Usually about two hours a night. We talked a ton about our dating history without sharing too much. We talked about our families, our interests, and our goals. After a few days we actually talk about possibly meeting up in the future. All this had taken place in just five days. Very quick to be thinking about traveling to meet someone, but it didn’t feel like it at that moment. All our interaction up to this point felt extremely natural.
*Let it be known she sent me a video* via text to confirm her realness. Catfished I was not.
At this point I’m really starting to get interested in this girl. She seemingly has her head on straight, very smart, very attractive. I was on the verge of being hopeful. Then, on the seventh day, she ruined it.
This actually started on the sixth day, but the line was there to use.
During our conversation the 6th day I noticed a lot of skeptic, self depricating comments. She was trying to mask them within joke like banter, but they didnt fit. A simple conversation about our day, and then randomly inserted would be a quick comment on how I’m probably not interested anymore. That we will talk later on unless I’ve met someone else in that time. Things along these lines. I decided to point it out though just to see what she says. She says shes a little skeptical just because of her last few relationships ending poorly. She says she’s making an effort to stop thinking that way and that is that. Everything else up to this point had been great, so I tried not to dwell on it. I gave her some words of encouragment and drop it. She is going out with friends this particular night so we don’t talk on the phone. I go to bed early and all was well.
My phone rings. Its her. Awake but not alert I don’t answer. I know she’s probably drunk, and I really hate trying to talk to drunk people. My phone rings again. Its her. I don’t answer. Immediately after she calls again and then again…4 consecutive times she calls, and to top it off she leaves a three and a half minute voicemail. Now each time she called I let it ring through. Never ignored the call as to make sure she didn’t know I was actively ignoring her. I was afraid of the awkward message that was waiting for me so I turned the phone over and went back to sleep. I would deal with this later on in the morning.
I awake a few hours later by my phone. A text this time. She’s apologizing for all the calls and the voicemail. Says that her phone was messed up and she couldn’t tell if her call was going through. She claimed that was the reason she called four times in a row. The way I saw it was her phone was trying to tell her to stop and to go to bed. It was merely trying to help and she ignored it. At this point I know the voicemail must be pretty bad. I pull it up. I close my eyes and I listen.
The first two and a half minutes are typical drunken jabber. Nothing too bad at all. The last minute, however, was a disaster. She started to say goodbye and that I should call her tomorrow….if I was still interested. That she probably just screwed everything up. That I should just ignore this message and…long bout of nervous laughter….click
After hearing this voicemail I am pretty let down to be honest. My interest had evaporated with each syllable of the last minute. I knew I couldn’t continue on after that. It was a fatal mistake, but she was not done.
A couple hours later she sent me a video message telling me how sorry she was. Said to call her…if I was still interested. As I’m writing her to tell her that I am a bit overwhelmed she calls. I ignore it. She leaves another voicemail. It is much the same. Its now I start getting flashbacks to episodes of Seinfeld and all the strange encounters with women he had. Man hands. The girl who only looks good in the dark. The mutton maker. I wonder what Larry David would tell me to say to this girl. He would want me to be brutally honest I decide and so I am.
I was working and could really only text, but this action was time sensitive. I tell her I’ve seen a different side to her the last couple days and that her insecurities showed me she wasn’t ready for a relationship. This didn’t make her very happy. She said she wouldn’t change for me and that I was missing out on something great. It was a message that I knew I couldn’t respond to. I had to just let it die. And that is exactly what I did. For almost six days I had the best online experience I had ever had and then it came crashing down in a fury of insecurity. This situation brought light to one of the best things about online dating. That being that you get a chance to really get to know someone before you meet. Because of that I saved myself from something that could of ended up a lifetime movie.